We’re fresh into a new season now, even the uni teams are up and running.

The start of the season is so full hope, ambition and excitement for what is to come. You may be on your first cheer team, your dream cheer team, a team competing internationally for the first time, a team with your best friends, or you may still be feeling slightly disappointed by your team placement. Whatever your circumstance, your feelings are totally valid. In this article, we’re going to explore how you can deal with disappointment, how you can move forwards without feeling so down in the dumps.

Firstly, it’s important to remember that feeling disappointed or rejected is a totally normal human response and experience

. It’s important for us recognise that in life there will be peaks and troughs, ups and downs. And so it’s about celebrating and making the most of the wins, whilst observing the losses and learning from them. We likely learn much more from our 2nd placements or even last placements, then we do from the 1st placements and grand champs. That’s the annoying thing about life. Sometimes it feels as though all our losses hit us at the same time. That can feel really heavy, like a metaphorical pyramid falling in cannon. It’s harder to get up and dust yourself off from those kinds of losses or disappointments. Even more in those moments it’s important to remember that balance in life. If you’ve been knocked back 30x in a row, it sounds like your luck should be turning soon!

These things are so much easier said than done, I get that.

When you don’t make the team you expected, when you get separated from your friends, when you feel like you worked so hard and have nothing to show for it, it can be super hard to put on a smile, tie up your shoes and walk back in the gym. Every season is met with disappointment for someone. I’ll tell you the same thing I’ve told my teammates every season: think about how much your team changed last season from beginning to end.

For most, people may change position, teams may get re-jigged, someone decides to quit or get moved to another team and that creates room for others.

Who do you think are going to get those new spots? Those that continued to work hard despite not being completely happy with their placement. It’ll go to that athlete that turns up early to training, is wearing the right training gear, always puts in 100%, has a positive attitude as they want to do better.

You’ve got to be in it to win it. Of course, if there’s a specific spot on a Level 4 team, it’s unlikely to go to someone with little experience in that position just because they are nice. But also, that’s not to say it won’t. I’ve seen big leaps in levels in the space of one season, it CAN happen. Hard work never goes unnoticed! But I suppose that’s another thing to remember, levels are just a number.

In saying that, not everyone will move teams each season. You may well be on this team, in this position or experience this disappointment all season long. Then what? Let’s break it down.

Emotional awareness

What exactly are you feeling disappointed by? The position, the level, that you didn’t get moved “up”, that you got moved “down”, you’re not competing at a certain competition, you’re with a different coach, something else? Whatever your disappointment is, why are you feeling disappointed? Is it the opportunities, does it make you feel lonely, embarrassed, did you want that association, something else entirely? Being honest with yourself and understanding your disappointment will allow you to move forward. Once you’ve figured it out for yourself, I’d suggest speaking to someone about it. Sometimes you might feel better first discussing it with someone who doesn’t have that emotional attachment (e.g. if you’re disappointed about something in cheer, maybe speak to someone outside of cheer first). Maybe you do want to speak to a friend, a teammate, a family member.

Secondly, I’d always recommend speaking to your coach as well.

I’d advise speaking to them second/third/fourth, just because disappointment is an emotion, a normal response to a loss. In my opinion anyway, I think it’s more constructive to have a straight talking conversation with your coach about how you’re feeling disappointed, why you’re disappointed, followed by asking them how you can improve, how you can avoid *this disappointment* next time. Showing emotion is totally fine, it shows you care. I say talk to your coach second because I’d rather you tear up than start shouting at them. Anger and resentment isn’t a key quality a coach is looking for in an athlete. As I mentioned, your emotions are valid, but it’s best to get that out of your system talking WITH friends/family, rather than shouting AT your coach. Think of it like a job. If you get angry with your manager for not giving you the promotion, they’ll be less likely to give it to you next time than if you asked for further support to improve.

And lastly with that emotional awareness, it comes back to your why. Why does this disappoint you? Let’s use that to set your goals for this upcoming season. You could do that in collaboration with what your coach has advised working on. I’ve done this in the past, and the coach responded by saying “I really appreciate you coming up to me. I’ll get back to you with what you can work on”. Because realistically, you didn’t get on that team not because you were absolutely terrible and there’s a list of a million things your coach can point out that you need to improve, but just because you weren’t quite the right fit, YET.

Manage expectations

Similarly to what I was just discussing, in reflecting on your disappointment and upcoming goals, manage your expectations. If you didn’t get on the Level 4 team because they’re focusing on having a high number of tumblers this season, it might be a bit if a stretch to expect to compete a standing tuck by the end of the season if you’re currently working on a forward roll. That’s an extreme example, but hopefully you see where I’m coming from.-

This may well even be a whole team exercise. You can have you own personal goals alongside your team goals. That includes what all teammates expect of the team, what the coach expects of the team, and what the team expects of the coach. That’ll then help you manage your expectations for the upcoming season. If the teams goals don’t necessarily align with your personal goals, will you need to get additional training in, privates or open gyms? It’s about adopting a solution-based mindset, rather than a problem-based mindset.

Learning experience

Lastly, how can you use this disappointment as a learning experience? Maybe you’ve been on this team for 3 seasons now and feel like you’ve exhausted it completely. Remember, cheerleading isn’t JUST about maxing out tumbling or stunting skills. We gain some much more like friendships, memories, confidence, strength, flexibility, opportunities that you wouldn’t get anywhere else. Can you use this season to focus on one of those areas or even your weakest area? Can you use this season to just purely enjoy the sport, your team and your programme? I’ve been in this situation before, disappointed with my placement. It was following a particularly difficult year so I thought, ok, this isn’t my dream team, even if I don’t make the “dream team” next season, how can I make this season worth something? How can I make the most out of this season? I decided that alongside focusing on my confidence performing, I was going to focus on the friendships and falling back in love with the sport. And I now look back at that season with the fondest memories, it’s probably my favourite season. Being a very competitive person, that did not come naturally to me – focusing on something other than skills. But in reality, we usually do better at the things we love than the things we hate. So I probably improved the most over that season than any other, because I decided to use it as a learning experience.

I’ve mentioned a few times now that feeling down or low in mood following a loss or disappointment is a natural response. And whilst it’s really important we recognise that and allow ourselves to feel this negative emotion; if we we’re constantly feeling negative or low in mood, perhaps we need a little extra support. And that extra support can come from a number of places.

A phrase I often use in work is “if nothing changes, nothing changes”. What I mean by that is, if you’re in a negative mindset, and don’t receive beneficial support, nothing will change and you’ll likely stay in that negative mindset. When our mental health takes a dip, it can feel really difficult to do the once simplistic of tasks. That’s because everything’s weighing us down and everything just feels heavier. If you’ve tried a few strategies and still can’t get out of this headspace, if you’ve spoken to family/friends for support and it’s not helped, if you’ve looked up some self-help tips and it’s not working, or if those don’t sound like viable options, maybe it’s time to have a discussion with someone like your GP, or even a mental health support organisation. A common response I tend to hear is “I’m not bad enough”, or “there are people so much worse off than me”.

My response to them is always, “it’s all relative”. As blunt as it sounds, a man who drowned in the ocean is still just as dead as a man who drowned in a puddle. It’s all relative to the situation. Everyone deserves support in those moments and so I’ll share some organisations you may want to look into for further advice and support – even just on their website if you don’t want to contact them.

The Mix provide essential advice for 14-25 year olds in a range of topics such as mental health, housing, relationships, drugs and so much more! They have a number of articles online, discussion boards, a telephone advice line and web chat feature.

Call: 0808 808 4994

https://www.themix.org.uk/

Shout is a text service for anyone who is stressed, anxious, overwhelmed, depressed or suicidal. You can contact them 24/7 by texting 85258.

The Samaritans are a well known service for anyone who needs someone to listen. Whilst they do support those experiencing suicidal thoughts, they are a 24/7 listening service, you don’t need to be suicidal to contact them. You can call, chat online, write an email, download their self help app or even write a letter.

Call: 116 123

Email: jo@samaritans.org

That’s all for today’s blog. I hope you got something from it. If there are any topics you’d like us to cover next time, do get in touch!

Take care,

Rach

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